My Testimony - Trying to share

I'm still not really sure how to share my testimony with you, so please bear with me!

I was raised Catholic, so Jesus was always on the periphery of my life. But I lost my mother when I was a child, my father remarried to a woman that I didn't have a very good relationship with, and as I was growing up I ended up dealing with physical abuse, sexual assault, gas-lighting and other emotional abuse, and just a generally depressed and negative way of life. As such, I couldn't believe in Him, I wouldn't let myself. After all, who would let a child go through that, blah blah blah. (Don't worry- I've learned now! Job especially taught me that I am basically a tadpole and it is not my job to question God.)

Time passed, I met my wife (Who is buddhist, though she was also raised in a Christian household) and we moved across state lines. We met our boyfriend at work and he is a firm believer in Christ. He talked to me about God in a way that... No one else had, but it was more than that. It was just such a simple truth for him, like the sky being blue or the grass being green. I'd never heard anyone speak on Jesus like that before, as crazy as that sounds.

I heard the truth of Him as my boyfriend spoke- But still I resisted, if you can believe that. Over time, I ended up considering it more and more until one day I decided to buy a bible. I remember it so clearly, we were out driving around (my wife, myself, and my mother-in-law) and I decided in my mind to buy a bible. We ended up at a thrift store and there a bible was, just waiting for me. And thus began my collection of different translations, study bibles, journaling bibles, concordances, chain references, bible dictionaries, and bible studies. It's grown ... One might say, much like my concordance, it's exhaustive- Not that I'm done yet. I can't be stopped!

Slowly at first and then more quickly, I consumed the word. In just a few months I had finished the bible and decided to accept Jesus as my lord and savior. The word moved through me, in a way that... I just don't even know how to explain. There is something about God's word, Jesus's teachings, that just center and soothe me- You're a preacher so I'm sure you understand! Even now as I spend time in the word by way of topical bible studies, bible study workbooks and copying scripture, I've started to reread the bible; nothing beats the wonderful stories contained within.

I can so easily now look back at every horrible thing I went through and trace how it got me to all the blessings that I have today. That is God's will, that is Jesus's love. How on earth can I argue with that? I can't! I give up on my fight against him, there's just no use. Every time I see a beautiful sunrise, there is God's paintbrush; there is no scientific reason to make the sun rise so beautiful. There is no scientific reason for us to find it so beautiful, such a blessing. There's just no argument.

Grass is green, Jesus is real, the sky is blue. Simple truths once you allow yourself to believe that you can be loved for all that you are, flaws and all.

Sorry about how long and rambling this is, I just... Haven't quite figured out a way to reign in my passion.