Book Review: Pearl in the Sand - Tessa Afshar

Thanks to NetGalley, I was able to get my hands on the anniversary edition of Pearl in the Sand, which while I never read the original, I have to admit.

In this book we are told the story of how Rahab, the prostitute who saved Joshua's spies from being found out in the city of Jericho, and Salmone, one of Joshua's military leaders. We know from Christ's mentioned genealogy that the two get together, but that doesn't stop you from rooting for them from pretty much the very first second!

This book was incredible! I loved every second of it. From Ms. Afshar's note at the beginning to the last page, I could not put this book down.

This was still in the first five books in the biblical fiction genre that I've read, and I absolutely love this genre! 

But it was so much more than that. This is such a beautiful story told about such an important person in terms of genealogy, that had so few mentions in the bible.Absolutely gorgeous way to tell this story and bring it to life.

 There are so many beautiful metaphors that Tessa weaves into the story that will stick with me for a long time! 

I absolutely reccomend this book when it comes out, I know I'll be picking it up.

This Week... I am a Tadpole.

 I have to admit that right now, my favorite book of the bible is Job. There is just something about that book that has always stuck with me.

I keep having this idea that Job is just like, "Yeah, God, I'm basically a tadpole; I don't understand what all you do, my bad. 

But I have to admit, living it out a little bit is not so awesome. 

Have I lost everything? No. But it feels like it's getting there.

Is my story unique? Especially now with this pandemic, I understand that a lot of people are struggling with money but I'm pretty sure both of our cars being broken down and not being able to physically get to work today ensured that I just lost my job. Not sure what I'm gonna do about that.

I have loan payments and bills I need to worry about- And I know that God will provide, but that's a lot of stress. 

I have a skin condition, that I think we finally got diagnosed after a second biopsy, so now we are just waiting to see if the meds are going to work. It looks a little like yes and a little like no, so time will tell.

We are still trying to figure out what medicine will work for another medical condition and I'm waiting on results for two more conditions. So, there's that.

And I know that God will provide, I know that I'm a tadpole, but... it's hard to remember that sometimes when I'm looking down the barrel of potential unemployment.  

On the other hand, I've been emailing with the preacher at the church that I 'went' to on Sunday, and that's been nice! I don't really have anyone to talk to in my life about me finding faith so that's been so nice and welcoming. 

I've also got a visit planned with a friend for the weekend, which is nice- I haven't seen her in over five years- But there's Covid risk. And while she has been quarantined, we've been working and I would hate to unknowingly get her sick. 

And there's church coming up on Sunday, which is something I'm really looking forward too. 

 

So I am just trying to remember that I am a tadpole. 

My Testimony - Trying to share

I'm still not really sure how to share my testimony with you, so please bear with me!

I was raised Catholic, so Jesus was always on the periphery of my life. But I lost my mother when I was a child, my father remarried to a woman that I didn't have a very good relationship with, and as I was growing up I ended up dealing with physical abuse, sexual assault, gas-lighting and other emotional abuse, and just a generally depressed and negative way of life. As such, I couldn't believe in Him, I wouldn't let myself. After all, who would let a child go through that, blah blah blah. (Don't worry- I've learned now! Job especially taught me that I am basically a tadpole and it is not my job to question God.)

Time passed, I met my wife (Who is buddhist, though she was also raised in a Christian household) and we moved across state lines. We met our boyfriend at work and he is a firm believer in Christ. He talked to me about God in a way that... No one else had, but it was more than that. It was just such a simple truth for him, like the sky being blue or the grass being green. I'd never heard anyone speak on Jesus like that before, as crazy as that sounds.

I heard the truth of Him as my boyfriend spoke- But still I resisted, if you can believe that. Over time, I ended up considering it more and more until one day I decided to buy a bible. I remember it so clearly, we were out driving around (my wife, myself, and my mother-in-law) and I decided in my mind to buy a bible. We ended up at a thrift store and there a bible was, just waiting for me. And thus began my collection of different translations, study bibles, journaling bibles, concordances, chain references, bible dictionaries, and bible studies. It's grown ... One might say, much like my concordance, it's exhaustive- Not that I'm done yet. I can't be stopped!

Slowly at first and then more quickly, I consumed the word. In just a few months I had finished the bible and decided to accept Jesus as my lord and savior. The word moved through me, in a way that... I just don't even know how to explain. There is something about God's word, Jesus's teachings, that just center and soothe me- You're a preacher so I'm sure you understand! Even now as I spend time in the word by way of topical bible studies, bible study workbooks and copying scripture, I've started to reread the bible; nothing beats the wonderful stories contained within.

I can so easily now look back at every horrible thing I went through and trace how it got me to all the blessings that I have today. That is God's will, that is Jesus's love. How on earth can I argue with that? I can't! I give up on my fight against him, there's just no use. Every time I see a beautiful sunrise, there is God's paintbrush; there is no scientific reason to make the sun rise so beautiful. There is no scientific reason for us to find it so beautiful, such a blessing. There's just no argument.

Grass is green, Jesus is real, the sky is blue. Simple truths once you allow yourself to believe that you can be loved for all that you are, flaws and all.

Sorry about how long and rambling this is, I just... Haven't quite figured out a way to reign in my passion.

Started a Bible Study Book today

 Started my first book bible study today.

Personally, I've made a game out of the SOAP method in one of my journaling Bibles; I open to a random page, read it in its entirety, pick the verse of scripture that stood out to me the most, copy it and write my observations, applications in my life, and then a little prayer about it; then I date it and flip to another random page. This method stops me from utilizing only my favorite book (Job) for study at the moment. (Though I am doing a thorough DOI style study of Job at the moment in my other journaling Bible.)

I picked up five bible studies at Moody publisher's half off sale, and I asked T to pick one out for me to start with as I just couldn't choose.

She chose I am Found by Laura Dingman found here. 

After just the introduction and one day, I can say that I'm pretty thoroughly enjoying it. I like the structure that it gives, I like that if I don't have too much time to devote to my topical study or verse mapping that I can still spend some time in the word of the Lord.

"Went" to my first service today while on my journey

So, I "attended" church today, via livestream, for the first time since starting on my journey. 

 A few things came to mind. 

 1.) That's a lot of music right at the begining! I'm not used to so much singing! I'm used to attending Catholic Mass. 

 2.) There isn't a lot of call and response, which again I am quite used to. 

 3.) It's going to take me a while to stop calling it "mass" and not service/s. 

 As for the service itself... It almost seemed tailored to me. Right now, because I'm so early in my journey (or that's my excuse, anyway), I really struggle with how to pray 'correctly.' That's what the pastor spoke on today. It just felt so right! 

He also mentioned meditation and buddhism specifically, which felt a close to home as my wife, T, is buddhist! (Incidentally, T also "came" with me to service, and she had the same OoLaLa face at something so close to us being mentioned.) I can't explain how nice it was to be a part of this, even from the distance of attending from my home. It just felt... right. 

I am going to incorporate what he spoke on, starting today! I feel lighter now, like another thing has just *clicked* into place. It's a wonderful feeling. 

 Overall, am I sure this is the church for me? No. Might I try on a few more? Yes, can't be too sure about something like this. Do I plan on attending here again? Absolutely.

The Great Courses - Understanding the Old Testament

Thanks to a wonderful 2-for-1 sale on Audible.com, I was informed of a wonderful series of classes called The Great Courses. 

In this I found a number of classes on the bible in various ways. I figured the best place to start was, well, at the beginning. So I chose "Understanding the Old Testament." by Professor Robert D. Miller II. 

 How do I count the ways! Professor Miller was so entertaining as well as educational. I absolutely adored everything about this course. He delves into the bible as a book of literature, which I have no problem with. He dives deep into what the original language meant and how certain things mean so much more than we think they mean. 

It's amazing and so eye-opening. 

There is so much to unpack in this almost 12 hour series of lectures- I have already started listening to it again. 

As a bonus, if you do get the course through Audible, you also get an almost 200 page PDF that goes along with his lectures that match up per lesson and incorporate reading suggestions and questions to invoke even more thought. Perfect five star.

Trying to Find a Church

So far, especially with the pandemic, I have no plans of actually going to a service, but a great deal of what I'm looking for in my search moving forwards is a sense of community, and I think that finding a church is the best way to do that. 

I've sent out a few emails to a few churches, and I've heard from exactly one of them. 

But the one that I have heard from was very welcoming. I have no desire to start attending a church only to find out that the congregation would have a problem with my relationship. That's not helping anyone.

 I am planning tomorrow to watch the service of the church that did reach out to me. I'm very excited! It's a non-denominational group, but I don't think there's anything wrong with that- especially while I'm just starting out!

Not Catholic

It's simple, really; the Catholic Church doesn't want me. I'm not sure that a lot of denominations will, if any. I have been married to a beautiful woman, T, for a few years now, and she and I are dating a wonderful man, JC. The three of us being in a relationship isn't something that I see as sinful, and I understand that a lot of people will, but I don't. And if it is, I will have to answer for that when the time comes. Until then, all I want to do is be able to find some sense of community where I can consume the word of God and spend time with Jesus.

Starting my Journey

Although, I guess this really should be called Sharing my Journey. I started feeling a call to faith a few years ago, but because of my childhood and stubborness, I really fought it off and ignored it as best I could. Sometime recently, I decided to just give in to The Word and see what happened. I started with the purchasing of a few bibles to rebind for some family memembers, and why not one for myself as well. And since I had a bible, I might as well read it. So I did. I read the bible, cover to cover in just a few months. To say that I'm obsessed now is a bit of an understatement. I spend my time praying in my head and thinking theological questions. I consume faith based education and entertainment in every medium I can get my hands on. My bible collection has grown to an almost ludicris degree, as I spend my time flipping between translations and seeing what the differences are as I write in my journaling bible or just take notes. Though I was baptised as a baby in the Catholic church and though my mother-in-law is a devout Catholic, I myself am not. What am I, you ask? That's what I'm here to find out.